Couches

Away with you, bovine-related topics!

The sacred seating shrine, the couch, is a common piece of furniture, often overlooked by all but the savvy interior decorator. It provides us with a seat to rest our weary bodies, and a bed for our homeless friends or insensitive husbands. I find it strange how eerily comfy the common couch is. I know there are the occasional evil couches, with the nasty bits made with the sole purpose of injuring your buttocks, but for the most part I can call couches my friends.

Though there is one part of the couch I cannot help but feel angered by. The cushions who vacuum the contents of our pockets and wallets, and hide said contents within the confines of the Space-Under-The-Cushions. That ancient and mystical land where unknown crumbs and a never ending supply of pencils lie in wait. They wait for the day when the remote goes missing, and the cushions are upturned and thrown about the room in search. And for the less fortunate among us, there are the holes within the Space-Under-The-Cushions, where everything important seems to end up. If you ever find yourself asking, "Where is the..." then by the time you are done with your thought, your mind will be drawn to that black void where all things go to hide.

I must wonder, if the couches of the world were doing this on purpose, would they be doing this to gather a horde of hidden treasures, or to simply help us find our lost items? If we were to take the items from a couch which could speak, would we find it stating, "I was just keeping this here for you." or would it be shouting, "Curses, foiled again!"

Next time you lose your remote or your cellphone, and you look down into that wasteland of couch, think back on the many things which have been found in just that spot, and be grateful that your couch is there to find them.

Yogurt

Once more with the dairy products.

Yogurt is a touchy subject for me. I like most yogurts, especially of the frozen variety, but they are again one of the more unappealing foods to look at or talk about. Gloppy, thick, usually chunky liquid goop. I can't imagine eating anything with those descriptors, but here we are. I am rather fond of yogurt, but I still cannot see why. Actually that's a lie, I like it because it tastes good and it's very simple to prepare.

Despite sounding disgusting, yogurt still manages to be one of the most widely accepted dairy products. It's easy to eat, easy to prepare (unless of course you have to make it yourself, then I have absolutely no idea) and generally pretty tasty. Something that it does not share with the other dairy products I've covered so far is that it's mostly eaten on its own. I don't know of any dishes which use yogurt, and I've never had a meal and thought, "This would be better with some extra yogurt"

So today I salute you, yogurt, as being a food for the ages.

Cheese

And we're back.

Another milk product which is brought to mind is cheese. I find cheese to be very similar to butter in many ways. You add it to bread and suddenly you have made one half of a sandwich, which is another something I will have to go into one day. I used to just eat cheese, but now I doubt I would do such a thing, as I could think of many better ways to use it. I could add it to a sandwich, I could mix it into eggs, I could sprinkle it on pasta or I could put it on a cracker. All of these things make use of cheese, but similarly to butter, they don't rely on it. There are some things which rely heavily on cheese, such as mac and cheese, cheeseburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches, but for the most part adding cheese is merely to bring the dish up a tier in the world of food.

Something else I've noticed about cheese is that when melted, it is somehow much more appealing. I have never noticed a difference in taste, but I cannot think of a dish where I would not prefer the cheese melted. Though I suppose most things are better heated. Seeing that delicious browned hue that food takes on when it has been perfectly heated. Mmm... hold on just one second.

I just had to grill up a cheese sandwich. Delicious. But back to cheese, I once again have to wonder who in the world decided it would be a good idea. I thank the man, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what made him go through such a complex series of steps to create the deliciousness that is cheese.

Before I go, I would like to point out that not all of these entries will be so food-based... I think...

Butter

Entry the first,

I have noticed something stupendously amazing. There are some substances which, when added to food, amplify the taste like an amplifier for guitars only instead it's for tastes. Butter is what made me first realize this, with its intense and creamy taste. I'm sure some of you have looked at a stick of butter and thought, "That would taste disgusting to eat, but why can I put it on anything and suddenly transform it into a god among toppings?"

The reason for this is unknown. No man shall ever realize the true potential of butter, or why it is such a powerful foodstuff. The power comes from a secret place, unknown to man or farmer. Speaking of farmers, I have stayed up many nights pondering how they decided to do some of the things that farmers do. For instance, who saw a cow and thought, "Damn, that white stuff that comes out of that dangling sack on the bottom of that bovine sure does look mighty tasty!"

And after that immensely strange discovery, who decided to churn the crap out of that white stuff and make butter? I'm probably missing plenty of information, and there's probably not many people who will even understand my ramblings, but I know there's a few. You know who you are, people.